It has been almost nine years since I said goodbye or farewell to you on the heartbreaking night in a Philadelphia hospital. After that night I spiraled out of who I usually am for almost a year and I was resentful to my children, my husband and many of my other friends who still had their mother as I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t keep you for just a little while longer. The resentment didn’t last long as I had to remember that God makes no mistakes and you were needed elsewhere.
I am doing better with each year and I don’t cry as much when February 4th gets here as I did in the first few years. I am still a little off as the lost of a parent is not something that you will ever get over. You just learn to handle the sadness better; especially when you have children.
There are songs that I listen to that makes me feel you are sitting with me and then there are the ones that bring tears to my eyes. Its hard to put in to words what it means to me that you are gone as I heart and mind go all over the place. The one thing that keeps me comforted it that you are no longer in pain.
I hope that I have made you proud of the mother I have become but just know that I’m not done growing yet.